My skin in my pelvic and butt regions are badly burned..so much so that doing a #1 or a #2 is an ordeal that leaves me crying and on the floor and/or bed rolling around in pain. I don't even want to eat or drink because I know I'll have to face going to the bathroom eventually. It feels like my insides are burned - they are burned. It's a feeling that is pretty unbearable and up until now, I have been able to relieve the pain with a hot bath, some meds and some medical marijuana. None of those things are really reliving the pain anymore - so I am just doing what I can to get through it. It's 2am and I cannot sleep because it's just too uncomfortable.
Earlier in the week, I had to do something to start feeling "normal" again. I showered, shaved, did my hair, dressed in actual clothes to just make myself feel good. The shirt I was wearing was pretty wrinkled so I though I could just steam the shirt while I was wearing it - I have done this plenty of times in the past...well, this time, of course I burnt myself with the iron - big old burn on my chest. As if I need another fucking burn! Ah, yes, at least I am starting to do things like my old self again - stupid things like ironing my shirt while I am wearing it. Classic!
And then the other night I was trying to navigate from bedroom to bathroom in the dark with no glasses on. I was moving at a pretty good clip and then BAM! - I stub my toe on the leg of a chair. I mean at this point I just have to laugh at myself - I think my body is unsure how to process any new pain I inflict on myself. I am a walking disaster right now. I truly feel if I jumped into a volcano right now, I wouldn't even feel the molten hot lava on my skin. I am becoming immune to pain.
Even though all of this is going on - I am still staying positive. Paul has been urging me to go for walks down our street and I have been going as much as I can. It's nice to feel the sun on my skin, breath fresh air and get some exercise. It's uncomfortable to walk a lengthy distance, but I have been pushing myself to just walk a mile or less down the street. Next week will be a better week for sure - it has to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment