Week Four: In the City

I am on the homeward stretch! My last day of treatment is Saturday, May 31st and I am counting down the days where I can start healing and building my strength up. This week was a quiet week, I had a lot of highs and lows where I would feel amazing one day and the next day I would feel like I was steamrolled by a mac truck. All in all, it was not a terrible week. My doctor is impressed at how healthy my red and white blood cell counts are staying and how my body is maintaining a strong stance during treatment. The doc really was worried about me becoming neutropenic (having an abnormally low level of white blood cells) during treatment and it looks like I am going to avoid that completely. Great news!

On Wednesday, I had to go into San Francisco for an appointment with the doctor who removed my tumor. Not a fun appointment at all when the doctor is fishing around in an area that is burnt to a crisp! Prior to going to see this doctor, I had not been in San Francisco for quite some time (considering I am usually in San Francisco Monday thru Friday for work) and it felt different for me being there. As Paul and I drove and walked around the city to my appointment, I had a heightened awareness to all the hustle and bustle going on. The construction, pedestrians, buses, homeless people screaming, horns, a Prius, bicyclists, people walking around aimlessly looking down at their cell phones, a Prius...all of it made me realize how I am starting to dislike city life.

I have done my share of living in two big cities, Boston and San Francisco, and during those times I truly enjoyed exploring the city and being a part of the chaos that comes along with city life. Living in a big city has given me a successful career, a wonderful relationship, an abundance of friends and a wealth of knowledge and experience that helped shape me into the person I am today. I am grateful for all the opportunities living in a big city has given me.

So why the bad taste in my mouth? Maybe it's because I am getting older or maybe I am just cranky from all the treatment or maybe I finally realize what is truly important to me in the short amount of time I have on this planet. It's probably a combination of all three. I want to slow down. I still have a good ten years of city living left in me. I can still slow down and live in a big city, it's all about how you manage your stress levels and how you let the factors of the city impact your attitude and behavior. For example, instead of yelling and getting worked up over the Prius that is driving in front of me at 2MPH, I can just smile and say "Oh you Prius drivers, you are improving your carbon footprint by driving a Hybrid car. How can I be mad at you for being a bad driver? I love you Prius drivers!" OR to the bicyclist that is driving like a maniac in the middle of the road cutting of cars thinking that they are a car themselves. "Oh hey you bicyclist that just flipped me off for being a car on the road. You know, I won't try to run you over for flipping me off and spitting on my car because you are also doing your part to save the environment by not driving a car and riding your bike instead. I hope you have a wonderful day bicyclist! MUAH!" See, I totally can manage my stress levels and stay cheerful and upbeat living in a big city - I got this!

I do know this...once Zachary is off to college (roughly 7-8 years from now),  I want to move far away from the city. I want peace. I want to live in a house surrounded by land with a big porch that Paul and I can drink lemonade on and grow old together watching the sun disappear behind the trees. I want to hear the crickets sing me a lullaby as I drift off to sleep at night. I want to run barefoot through a field of freshly cut grass. I want Zachary to come visit us with his family and watch our grandchildren run around and laugh. These are things I look forward to.

Yes, I know, I am cranky:)